IT WAS FATHERS DAY...AND MY DAD TOTALLY ROCKS!!!

I wrote this on fathers day. Just really late posting it.

FATHERS DAY

I remember...uh...uh...come to think of it I remember nothing.

See my papa was no rolling stone.
45 minutes to an hour away my whole life.
Had more children and a wife.
2 story house with a nice yard and a dog type living.
I guess he never realized what was missing.
Me and my brother always depended on our mother.
She was the light in the midst of the darkness that was you.
Providing us with all the things you didn't.
It wasn't just the love we missed. But the fact that you never made an attempt that had us pissed.
No happy moments on which to reminisce.
Just the knowledge learned from the school of single parents.
Super woman playing all parts: mother, father, and friend.
Finally got the courage to let this all out but u, you'll never read this.
Cause after 20 years if u can't already see this you're worse than i thought.
But u probably thought that it was great that your child support was hardly ever late.
I mean sure that's more than some men do.
But real men know that child support doesn't support a child the way a father does.
Didn't turn me into the daddy's girl i was supposed to be.
Instead i learned that some men ain't shit in this world.
But on this fathers day i want to say thank you.
You showed me what a father is by being everything one is not.
And i thank you for that.
Thank you for being such a sorry excuse that i will never make for any man in my life.
I know the type of man i deserve and he's the exact opposite of you.
And with that, all of this was just to say...
Happy fathers day.
Daddy.

I JUST COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF KNOWING I HAD JUST KILLED MYSELF

THE LAST OF ME

From the day I was born life dealt me these f***** up cards.

And I have spent my entire life trying to play them in my favor.

But people like me don't get favors.

And every time I think I get something going

life comes in and I look at my hand and see those same cards staring back at me.

Telling me that this is it.

Happiness is not meant for you.

Its not in your cards and no matter how many times you draw from the deck the s*** won't change.

Remember, even the best card trick done by the greatest magician will always turn up the same.

I see now that things will not change for me.

Tired of being sold lies that I can't afford to buy.

So this is the last of me.

The last tear I'll ever cry. The last smile I'll ever fake.

The last time my heart will ever break and shatter under false hope of what awaits.

This is the last of me.

And since he is all knowing I hope God will forgive me.

See you don't understand the pain that sits on my heart or what its like to have your life ripped apart.

And every time it seems to get better, I find more things that inspire this letter.

And I only hope that God will see that there were no options left for me and that I am sorry.

Sorry for committing this sin of life or should I say death.

But try to understand, I have nothing left.

This is the last of me.

***

Too many people give suicide too much credit. Credit for being the only way out of their situation. Not realizing that the only way out is the way in. Weighin their options against the weight on their shoulders thinking its too heavy for them to spread their wings and change things. But we were all meant to fly like angels on earth. So recognize what your life is worth. People realize that your life is worth so much more than I’m saying in this verse and LIVE.

PAINFUL AS THIS TIME IS, YOU WILL ONE DAY SEE THE REASON FOR IT. NOT CRUEL TESTING, BUT TENDER PREPARATION FOR THE WONDERFUL WORK YOU ARE TO DO.

Mourning to Morning

not the entire piece...but dedicated to my mother......

Didn't sleep much that night and I cried all morning.
And now 7 years later feels like I'm still in mourning.
See when you left you did it without warning.
Only a kiss and a hug. You left me with your love.
But over these 7 years that love hasn't been enough.
I no longer feel your arms around me from that last hug.
And I find myself asking for one more like it was a drug.
Like your love was a drug and you were my supplier.
Supplying me with all that I could ever need or desire.
You gave me words when I didn't know what to say, fun when there was no one outside to play, and comfort. Comfort when I needed comforting.
Like the time I watched Candy Man and couldn't sleep, or the times when my brother used to constantly pick on me.
And that night you hugged and kissed me and told me you loved me.
So how could you leave me?
Leave me when there was so much left for us to do. So much left for you to see.
And now 7 years later feels like I'm still in mourning.

Coyotes

I thought the book Coyotes was a good book. It opened my eyes to things I’ve never really thought about or even cared about. I know there are illegal immigrants in this country, but I never cared about them being here, partly because I never thought about why they were here or how they got here. After reading the book, I have a better understanding of how people from other countries view the United States, and the things we have in this country. Some of the illegal immigrants in Coyotes snuck into America for better paying jobs, so that they could provide for their families back in Mexico. Even though they weren’t paid the amount of money an American worker would have been, it was still better than what they were getting in Mexico. They came here not worrying about having to sleep on a floor with 10 other people, or what job they would have. They just knew that they would take whatever they would get. Although I know that coming into a country illegally is against the law, I understand now why a person would feel that they had to do it, and why so many people have done it.

Corridors of Shame

In class this week we watched a documentary called Corridor of Shame. The documentary showed schools in different rural areas of South Carolina that were very poor and receiving little help with making them a better place to learn. In the winter time the schools were too cold, they had sewage problems, the paint was chipping, and one school even had a snake inside one day. Growing up I went to public school but I couldn’t image going to school in those kinds of conditions. I mean sure once or twice the AC or heat went out, but it wasn’t a constant thing. I think that the students that have to go to schools like that are being cheated out of their rightful education. No one should have to try to learn in conditions like that. What makes me mad is that it’s not even the schools fault. They don’t have the money to make things better and when they tried to sue for it they only got a half ruling in their favor which hasn’t seemed to help. When the case is retried I hope the ruling is in favor of the schools this time. Watching that documentary really made me think about how lucky I was to be able to go to a good school. It also made me realize that I’ve kind of taken getting a good education for granted. Had I gone to schools like the ones in the documentary I don’t know what I would have done. One of the schools in the documentary was J.V. Martin Junior High in Dillion County. I was able to find some statistics for it. Here’s the link http://south-carolina.schooltree.org/public/J-V-Martin-Junior-High-077059.html

LET'S DO DRUGS. AFTER ALL IT IS LEGAL!!

So you’re walking home after a long day at school and decide I need a hit! So you head down to the legal injection room where nurses watch as you inject heroin, cocaine, or other drugs and then have a nice relaxing cup of coffee or go down to the “chill out” room for some medical attention. Sound crazy? Well maybe, but Sixty-five similar facilities exist in 27 cities in eight countries, and now San Francisco, California is trying to build one too. By building a facility, San Francisco is hoping to reduce the high rate of fatal drug overdoses in the city. There are many challenges that would be faced in trying to open a place like this. First of all aren’t drugs illegal? Just because some nurse is watching, that doesn’t make them anymore legal does it? This is crazy to me. I understand that the city of San Francisco wants to reduce its overdose rates and prevent needle sharing, but I hardly think this is the right way. If it’s going to be legal for a place like this to be open, then why would there be a reason to bust a crack house. It’s the same thing just without the nurses and coffee. The only facility like this in North America is located in Vancouver and so far it’s had 800 overdoses. In 2004 the number of overdose cases in San Francisco was 40, which dropped from 160 in 1995. In my opinion I say don’t do it. We want a world without drugs and if anyone can just walk off the street and legally get what they would’ve gotten anyway, what motivation is that for them to stop doing the drugs?
I found this article on the New York Times website. Here’s the link http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/us/AP-Supervised-Injections.html

You Do The Crime You Do The Time... Or Will You??

Friday, an all white jury found seven drill instuctors and a nurse not guilty in the death of 14-year-old Martin Lee Anderson, whose death at a boot camp for young offenders was captured on videotape. That’s right on videotape! The tape shows the boy who was black, being punched, kicked, kneed, and forced to inhale ammonia while his mouth is held shut. The first autopsy that was done showed that he died of natural causes, but a second one showed that he suffocated from breathing in the ammonia with his mouth held shut for several minutes. It was said that some of the jurors knew the family’s of some of the guards that were on trial. All the talk about crime and punishment in class really made me think about this article. In class we learned that it’s usually people who have a low socioeconomic status that get sentenced and not people of higher status. Add that to the fact that the jurors knew the people who were on trial and you can throw away any chance of them being convicted. The way the system works is completely not right. I didn’t even think you were allowed to be on a jury if you knew the people on trial but I guess I was wrong. I guess that old saying if you do the crime you do the time is exactly that OLD!
Just like my last blog I got this article from USA Today. Here's the link http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-10-12-bootcamp-death_N.htm